I really do. Inevitably, the blame rests with me, regardless. No job, no sweepstaking, medication mismanagement, you name it.
Perhaps it takes a stronger person than me. I guess I could change that to striking out the "perhaps". Shelly deals with a lot of the same stuff, but she gets at least some sweeps done regardless. Of course, one thing she does not deal with is the extreme guilt factor, which continually makes me feel disgusted with myself and I can't ever draw the line in the proverbial sand like I want to and "cross over" and move forward. It's something I should have done when I had the chance almost 5 years ago with DOND $$. Well, it didn't take too long to fuck off that money and then not only did I not have the "safe haven" to move forward from, I had to start dealing with the fact that we (I) perhaps had a "once in a lifetime shot" to turn my life around by not having to deal with issues that were plaguing me on a daily basis and move forward, but I did not.
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